How hard is to say "No" to people?

How hard is to say “No” to people? 

We all strive to do one thing when it comes to generosity and good deeds and that is that we give a 110% of ourselves and not asking for anything in return. And we shouldn’t. 

But with time we become very tired and mentally drained that we start feeling used in some way, but yet you can’t do anything about it. 

In order for you to feel good and not have any second thoughts you need to get something in return. You shouldn’t ask for it.  It can be a feeling of doing a good deed for someone  and that person doesn’t give you anything except a thank-you with a smile and you feel good about it and you feel as though you were appreciated. If you were in a situation, (and I bet you were) where you helped someone more than once and that person said thank you and smiled;  but yet you still had doubts and feelings of being taken advantage of in some way. Like it didn’t sit with you right. Did you every think of a situation where you were in crisis for whatever reason  and you just couldn’t count on that specific person and  you went to some else instead? 

And did you ever wonder why can’t you go to that person instead of someone else? 

Because you feel that you will be rejected or you feel that you shouldn’t even bother because it won’t help you and you need someone who was there for you, who you trusted before, who you could count on any time. Because of that feeling, with time you start wondering if you are being taken advantage of and you can’t stop saying “No” right now because it is your good friend or family member or co-worker. 

Feelings are very powerful, sometimes you don’t even have to talk, but yet you are able to sense what the other person is feeling. It can be a good or bad feeling. 

How many times have you met someone for the first time and you don’t know anything about that person but it gives you a feeling of dislike. There is something that you feel and you don’t like the way it feels. Naturally, you would ignore that feeling and once you meet that person you think to yourself “that’s what I thought”.
And I know sometimes you can be wrong when you just look at the person based on what you see, but inner gut feelings can’t be wrong. 

There is nothing wrong with saying “No” to people if you feel that you need to say “No” 

No one will judge you, no one will think you are a bad friend or bad sister/brother or co-worker unless you become rude or mean. 

If you feel that you don’t want to do something and you say “No” you are respecting yourself and others will respect you because finally you are standing up for yourself. Those people that used you will realize that you are growing stronger and they can’t do anything they want. They might not like it but they will start to appreciate you more for what you are and what you can offer without taking advantage of you. Only then if you feel that you want to help them when they are not asking you can offer your help and now it’s up to them if they will accept it or not. 

My greatest appreciation from people I helped is the feeling that I’m getting in return. It feels amazing, I feel appreciation and respect and I’m more then happy to do it all over again. 

If someone asks me to do something once, and after I do it, I don’t feel appreciation or that “thank you’ feeling, I won’t do it again. Simple as that; 

The reason why is because I’m damaging myself for someone who doesn’t appreciate it. 

With time I generally start feeling bad about myself, as it continues it will start to bother me and I will feel obligated to do it again because I did it so many times before, so how can I stop now without hurting anyone? 

Well it’s better to stop now because you will keep hurting yourself. 

Respect yourself by saying “No”. The word is made for a reason. 

If there were so many people like you who say “Yes” to everything this world would be a perfect world to live in. Think about that. 

And if everybody said “Yes” you wouldn’t have those bad feelings and everybody would feel appreciated and respected. 

But unfortunately, there are so many people who say more No’s then Yes’s. 

Follow your feelings and trust yourself, if you come in a situation next time when someone asks you for your help and if you feel that you should or shouldn’t help, trust your gut feeling and do it as they tell you, don’t go against them, it will hurt you and it won’t feel good. 

Don’t be a person just for help and in need; be a person who thinks about themself prior to the other and analyze the situation before saying yes or no.  

Adisa Bahtijarevic